You know how some people just come across as so good, you’re not sure they’re real or certain you’re not seeing all there is to see? That’s how I first saw my husband. I remember trying to see the “real him” or what he was hiding because he just seemed so genuinely good down to his core and in so many ways – perfect (not as in faultless, but perfect for me) that I felt I had to be missing something. More than six years later, I realize I wasn’t missing a thing and can say with certainty that he is the best man I have ever known.
I often remark that Roy (my husband) is a much better person than I am, and I totally believe this. Don’t get me wrong, I am better at some things than he is, just like he is better than me at others. But I’m talking the overall package and fundamental goodness. For example, I believe when a wrong is being committed, when it comes to righting it, the ends almost always justifies the means (barring physical violence, etc.). Roy is always about the right means to the right end, even if that way takes more patience and faith and hope – or as I call it inefficient optimism. Roy believes in people, even when it isn’t particularly wise to do so. He has a profound sense of seemingly bottomless hope and faith that confounds me much of the time.
It’s funny I wanted to write about Roy because he is so much more than just a big part of my life, and it’s Valentine’s Day, but at the same time everything I want to say are things I have already said to him, and feel private, and in keeping them private it just feels that much more special, and I find myself trying to figure out just what to say here in this post.
Roy is my opposite in every way – the ways that can matter, and the ways that really don’t. For some strange whacked out reason, Roy saw something in me. He chose me to be his partner in life. He chose me to spend his life with, to love, to start a family with. I can’t believe that such a good man, a breed that feels increasingly rare, chose me and continues to choose me every day. He chooses to stay with me, stand by me, support me and love me every day we’re together and he’s committed to doing that for the rest of our lives.
So, this Valentine’s Day, I feel kind of wordless. I feel like I’ve already said them all, here and everywhere, or I feel I should protect them, hold them close as if they’re sacred or I just can’t find the ones I need to possibly articulate what I’m trying to say.
What I am trying to say is that the love of my life, my much better half, my partner, best friend, husband, soulmate is the best person I have ever met. He is intrinsically good. He is kind, patient, generous, full of faith, hope, optimism and compassion. He is innocent and always wants to do things the right way, even if it is also the harder, longer, more unforeseeable way. Every day he surprises me. Every day I learn something from him. Every day he makes me smile. Every day he makes my heart reach to new places I never even knew existed. Every day I feel loved by him, which makes me feel like the most special person in the world. Every day he reminds me of the joy out there. Every day he reminds me of the point of everything. Because love is the point of everything. It’s the meaning of life. Love is why we’re here and what feeds our souls.
How do I possibly say how much this wonderful person means to me? How do I show just how much I love him? How do I show everyone else the kind of man he is, a much better person than I am, or could ever hope to be? The best person I know, or will ever know?
I’m not sure. Thankfully, I have a lifetime to keep trying.
To my one and only – Valentine,
I love you the most, infinity plus one no takebacks – I always win! 😉